Do you have a lack of self-esteem? Is your anxiety causing you to pass up opportunities again and over? I know exactly how you feel. Lack of self-assurance is a lousy travel companion. It renders you immobile. It leads you to stop fighting for what you desire and traps you in a bit of a comfort zone.
I used to live like this at one point in my life, avoiding any scenario in which I may fail. Because I was terrified of failing, I passed up many opportunities to study overseas. I abandoned my research job, even claiming to be unwell so I wouldn't have to confront obstacles such as public speaking. Not to mention all of the sentimental chances I passed up.
All of that, thankfully, has been deleted. Yes, I still feel insecure, but I know what to do after studying the science of emotions for years. And I'll tell you everything right here.
The basic principle of trust
Nelson Mandela was imprisoned for 27 years, eighteen of them in the dreadful Robben Island prison. As a black political prisoner, he was subjected to the most inhumane torture imaginable. With little nourishment and continuous beatings, he spent the day crushing stones in the sun. Then, as if that weren't enough, he got very sick while incarcerated.
Mandela, on the other hand, did not collapse. Instead, every morning, he would go down to the patio and proudly show off his scars, instilling bravery and hope in the convicts. It became her source of inspiration.
How could he have been so sure of himself under situations that might have blown any man to smithereens?
The explanation is that he was unsure. Mandela, as he subsequently admitted, was concealing his anxieties. He lived in dread and was never confident in himself.
But Mandela was certain of one thing: if he had waited in his cell until he felt confident enough, he would never have gone out to the courtyard to motivate the inmates.
This is one of the significant falsehoods that we have all believed. We believe that feeling prepared and confident before tackling a task is essential. But Mandela did not wait to feel assured; he acted despite his uncertainty, which is how he could triumph.
The actual issue isn't that you don't feel confident before doing anything; you believe you have to feel confident to do it. But you don't have to feel something to accomplish it. As Mandela demonstrated, your actions may be independent of your emotions.
So the golden rule of trust is not to wait till you feel assured.
Don't put off establishing your own business or delivering your first public speech since you'll be waiting your entire life. Instead, act with skepticism, and confidence will follow.
I'm not suggesting anything you haven't done previously. For example, I think you would be frightened of falling if you first learned to ride a bike. But you didn't wait to overcome your anxiety and feel completely comfortable before getting on the bike: you went on it and gradually gained confidence.
How to Increase Your Self-Belief
In addition to the golden rule of confidence, numerous scientific studies have proven that the following strategies can boost your confidence when you need it the most.
Some are easier to use than others, but they are all useful tools for making you feel more comfortable in any scenario. So make good use of them.
1. Stop seeking trust.
Before I begin, I'd like to remind you of something basic that we frequently overlook. It isn't easy to be confident all of the time.
Our level of self-assurance varies. For example, when someone finds their ideal job, they may feel quite self-confident, but they may feel unfortunate when they are dismissed. And it's perfectly natural.
Nobody can get away from this. Even famous people, such as Hollywood actors, have admitted to feeling inadequate several times! So don't attempt to be self-assured all of the time. It has been scientifically established that the more you pursue it, the more insecure and depressed you will feel.
This is known as the rule of invested effort, and it is caused by the fact that many individuals have such a strong desire to constantly feel good that it adds pressure and ends up being gloomy.
2. Begin small.
Two self-esteem psychologists noticed an unusual occurrence among their patients. They discovered that their self-esteem was not affected by the outcome of their acts. For example, when one of them neglected to appear for an exam he had been studying for, he felt far worse than if he had attempted and failed.
In other words, pride in having attempted outweighed sadness in not passing. This is the genuine virtuous cycle of trust: your confidence grows just by acting. And the acting is what makes you feel more self-assured. So remember that the first step in developing trust is to begin acting, no matter how little.
3. Give everyone reasons to believe you.
Many individuals have a propensity to dismiss your accomplishments. This is referred to as the impostor syndrome. They blame their success on chance, and they convince themselves that they are fake and do not deserve what they have accomplished.
If you believe this is the case, you should be more conscious of your accomplishments and the personal characteristics that enabled them. This will assist you in valuing yourself more. To do so, establish a list of three achievements in your life, whether professional, academic, or personal, and identify the characteristic required to attain each of them.
4. Keep your principles in mind.
According to certain positive thought currents, our minds are capable of generating the world that we tell it. Supposedly, repeating mantras like "I am strong, and I have nothing to fear" or "I am someone special" would internalize it and give us the confidence to do everything we set out to do.
The concept is lovely, and you want to believe it. However, this is incorrect. A study sought to establish once and for all the efficacy of this sort of positive affirmation. Consequently, people with low self-esteem who used them not only did not enhance their self-esteem but also felt terrible.
These signals do not function because the brain is not naïve. For example, when we tell ourselves that we are or that we are magnificent, our mind instantly wonders, "What justification do I have to believe that?"
You won't believe it if you can't discover the solution. These sorts of affirmations are only effective if you know what you're saying to yourself is true. And there is no more undeniable truth than your principles.
5. Forget about creating objectives.
Goals have a very dark aspect to them. Although it has been common in recent years to believe that defining objectives is the secret to success, the fact is that creating goals is a significant problem if you are unable to face the possibility of failure.
That is why it is preferable to be directed by something different, something you should be familiar with by now: your values. By focusing on the process with your values, you may avoid thinking about the goals you base your satisfaction on.
6. Redefine your anxiety.
Did you know that the same chemical causes both fear and excitement?
Yes, it is about adrenaline, and while both emotions are cognitively distinct, your body responds to both precisely the same way. That is, it is theoretically conceivable to utilize it to experience excitement rather than dread.
Try to believe that the nerves you fear are nerves of excitement created by your enthusiasm when confronting a problem. You will be more self-assured.
7. Make more little choices.
Making decisions is a beautiful reinforcement in that starting to act is a source of trust. No matter how little, making a choice has been shown to engage your prefrontal brain, lowering anxiety and improving confidence.
You will feel more in charge of your life if you make decisions regularly. It is sufficient, to begin with, small daily choices.
8. Treat yourself as though you were a friend.
When you fail, what do you tell yourself? You're probably too hard on yourself, aren't you? I'm sure messages like "You're a failure!" were sent. But, have you ever thought to yourself, "You are worthless!"
But what do you tell your pals when they fall short?
Are you implying that they are ineffective? Or do you try to console and encourage them to keep them from becoming depressed? What if you began to treat yourself as if you were a buddy every time you failed?
This notion is founded on a scientific approach that is transforming the scientific world due to its outstanding outcomes. It can alleviate uneasiness, worry, and stress while increasing the number of positive thoughts.
Learning to trust oneself is crucial for breaking out of your comfort zone and living a more fulfilling life. The first step is to comprehend the golden trust rule. Then, stop attempting to feel confident before tackling any task; it is impossible. You will only feel confident when you have taken action.
Remember: actions come first, followed by feelings of trust. It's something you already do multiple times every day.